“Self-care” is quite a buzzword lately. Therapists are told we need to be proactive about taking care of our mental health to avoid burnout, vicarious trauma and just generally to shelter your personal life from the burden of being a part of daily trauma.
But self-care is kind of bullshit because we don’t have time for it.
It’s not that self-care is actually bullshit – but employers and organizations use it as a way to reduce their own responsibilities to their employees’ mental health. Here’s how it works: studies state that mental health and emotional well-being has a long-term impact on the success of a company (because of higher health insurance rates or higher turnover or many other reasons). Because companies want to reduce this long-term impact (the positive interpretation) and/or gain positive PR (the cynical interpretation), they begin offering mindfulness classes periodically or cover meager amounts of mental health care.
But a work environment and culture doesn’t change overnight. How many times have you seen an email come across offering a free, conveniently located mindfulness course just to decline the invitation because you just “don’t have time” and what would people think if you weren’t working and available because you were practicing breathing? Often, employees who engage in the services are subtly shamed for being self-indulgent or lazy or not committed to “working hard.”
Physical exercise went through a similar cycle a few decades ago. There was a time where it would have been unheard of to use your limited free time to go running. Then, some older folks started to experience the health effects of a sedentary lifestyle and now physical exercise is now generally accepted as a useful endeavor. (Law firms are still behind on the times on this, I know. I can probably count the number of truly fit lawyers I know on one hand.) So now, when we want to be healthy, we make time for physical health. The same can be true for making time for mental health.
The revolution is coming for mental health. Our children will probably be part of a workforce where their colleagues will be awed and impressed by their commitment to use their lunch hour to see their therapist the way we currently feel about the ones who make it to the gym regularly. But for now, how do you counteract the (valid but unjustified) guilt when you set aside an hour a week on your calendar for therapy?
In the next post, I will go over the difference between a justified and unjustified feeling, and how the recognition of the difference can help you choose a different behavior. But for now, I will stick to this limited instance of guilt. The feeling of guilt is justified (or, in other words, helps guide your behavior) when you have done something that violates your values. If you believe that you deserve to work on yourself and therapy can help you do that, then taking time to do that doesn’t violate your values. You may still feel guilty but if it’s not justified, then you don’t have to act on it (i.e. ignore the importance of your mental health).
On to practical tips for how to make time and commit to improving your mental health: follow the advice and guidelines that people tend to use for physical health. Start thinking about your emotional well-being as a long-term investment. Find a support network of like-minded people who will encourage you and gently keep you accountable to your own goals. Choose your support network to set you up for success. For example, if you were training for a marathon, you shouldn’t choose a novice runner with no interest as a running buddy. Similarly, look for friends and family who are interested in mental health and start building self-care and therapy into your regimen. The effort you put in will pay for itself as your relationships improve and you learn to use your time more effectively.